Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
