he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
