4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
