i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
