Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
