How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
