We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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