I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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