Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
