either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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