I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
