Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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