i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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