There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
