Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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