if you like me you must not know who I am
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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