just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
