Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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