Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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