I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
