i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
