just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
