when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
