My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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