We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
