ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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