You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Can I color on your dick again?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The Olympian is in my bed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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