I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
