He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
