You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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