Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
