once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
