Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
