I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
