he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
