At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dicks are not precious.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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