so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
