we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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