so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
