His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
