I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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