Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
