just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
