kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
