I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
