He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
