Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
