I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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