I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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