if i can run in heels then i can drive
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
