Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
