Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Randomize
