I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
