I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
