So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
