Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
