Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Randomize
