What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
